I never spoke about their wrong behaviour to anyone considering it to be backbiting but in the process I suffered a lot, I have lost my peace of mind, its affecting me as a person, as a MuslimI need your advice, I am ready to forgive and forget the past for the sake of Allah but what if a similar situation arises in the future. If He is Financially irresponsible. Since stepping onto the path of Islam two years ago things with some members of my family have been difficult. Emotionally abusive bullies. In this article, we will learn about the characteristics of toxic family members and how to deal with such toxicity in our lives. He has not spoken to me at all. I hate each and every one of them including my parents. Showing kindness to family members is highly rewarded, but at the same time, we need to take care of ourselves so that we can be kind, healthy people in the long-run. I cant help blame my mum who I believe has narcissistic personality disorder. I only partially agreed to this marriage because of the intense psychological pressure from my family. He married me thinking my family is from US and thought he will get everything and it is not necessary to work. They cant be broken. Once she was good enough I dont know she was wrapping her face or what and she was nice in my eyes . It has really helped me. You should increase your ibadah, not just that of duaa. Thank you for your comment, E. I understand that you feel that hiding your pain will make things worse. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. If a family member does not respect your boundaries, then you need to have some kind of consequence, such as leaving for some time. Thank you for your comment. Maybe talking to him face to face will most probably end up as an arguement or fight, which is what you most probably want to avoid. Praise be to Allah. I just have a question and hope you consider. In addition to this my sisters inflict a lot of pain to me. For you, it is, but not for him. The answer to this complex situation requires a lot of duaas and prayers and in shaa Allah the way will become clear to you. Thank you for your comment, Hasib. Thank you again for this article. marhaba, March 20, 2008 in Counselling Room. And we try to be nice to him (for the sake of Allah swt ) but he continues to be as always and no matter what we do for him it seems never enough and he never appreciate anything we do for him Powered by Invision Community. What if they are toxic to their kids especially adult daughters? I have been looking for something like this for quite some time. Lena The Plug says the ridicule her husband Adam22 is facing after she filmed a porn scene with another dude is absurd . When you go to your bed, recite Ayatul Kursi, (2.255) for then there will be a guard from Allah who will protect you all night long, and Satan will not be able to come near you till dawn. When the Prophet heard the story he said (to me), He (who came to you at night) told you the truth although he is a liar; and it was Satan. I have discovered the self-centered ness of my toxic person and now I am diagnosing with care . What you just wrote to us, tell him nicely without making him feeling like you're attacking him, and don't do that when you're on PMS or otherwise, emotional. As is wont to happen Elders abused their status and so I decided to keep away Which did mean no contact whatsoever Please consult with others and try to improve this unfortunate situation. Salam alaikum, Allah bless you for this article. I cried and beggeed him to talk to me and then he showed his anger and told ur mother has spoilt u and other stupid things. This article is invaluable to whoever understand what it entails. Jazakallah for this article which means for for me a lot because I really need this my family is very rude on me everyday because I do not follow their tradition of being in firqh ,follow their imam, etc. Need advice. I (22M) am beginning to hate my mother. : r/islam - Reddit The purpose of marriage is not oppression; ask yourself how you see your family life in five years. Cause stress, anxiety, anger, confusion, exhaustion, and self-doubt in others. Dear SB, I am sorry to hear of your familys unkind behaviors. , Salam And now she is like always rude to me and my family members. You can try to show them understanding to the best of your ability. They believe theyre always right because they are the elders. Married couples are ment to help each other remind him that Allah says oppression is worse then murder. I want to get rid of this , I am a software engineer and had to work 14-15 hours and I had a brain stroke recently because of lot of stress for her.. My brother absolutely hates me, he has not spoken to be in 5 years to say the least, he gives be deathly stares whenever I accidentally look at him, he is 20 years old and i am 15 years old, he does not help me with anything at all, i remember once i was looking through his past notes from when he was in college so i could use them for studying purposes as i felt behind in school (mind you my parents were completely fine with it, in-fact they where the ones telling me to use them as they thought my brother could simply not care at all) but I was wrong. Name 1 my wife didnt like. Husband's sex addiction shook Eliza's life like an 'earthquake' but she Therefore, Id try to avoid such toxic people to the best of my ability. I am student of class 11 . Thank you, Farzana, for your positive comment. Thank you for your encouraging comment. Ive become the bad person in the family for refusing to be anywhere where my uncle is. He makes no efforts to help me see them even though i do not drive, they have to always come and give lifts. Because reading aytul kursi with trust ,Allah makes us safe ,there is no chances that dream comes from saitan . Wa alaikum As salam wr wb Balkish! Im so close to calling it quits infact printing off a khula application. Al hamdulillah. 2 Elder brothers are enjoying their lives with their families even of them is in u.k having his own home. Wa iyakum dear SSaima. I hate my husband now. Honestly, just today (on Eid!!) In the future Ill try to be more compact, in shaa Allah. Leave your parents, and begin a new, cleave to your husband. Does your family know what he does? If their toxic behavior becomes physically abusive, its a legal matter that must be addressed. Home Hanafi Fiqh Muftionline.co.za Help! Leaving Islam cost me my relationship with my family but it made me a Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Thank you for your comment, Rayaaz. Your experience mirrors mine very much and its relieving yet upsetting that there are people out there that share the same story. I am the last born in a family of 6 and have always been told about respecting elders and forgiving them no matter what It never made sense to me As I could not accept that the position of your birth could absolve one of any responsibility of their actions Best thing I learned is trying to please an extreme toxic person is overburdening yourself which will eventually lead you to running yourself down. May Allah help and bless you. BaarakAllaahu feeki ukhtee! My question is # . Me and my husband are facing some family issue . I hate my husband, I married him to please my parents It affects me in many ways. I dont know , I feel like I am finished. Im so happy that you found my article helpful. Two key characteristics of toxic family members is that they are: 2) Unwilling to accept any responsibility for their behaviors. Please share your views and suggestions about this article in the comments section below. The only time they are not abusing me is when I do exactly what they tell me to do. [i believe that is true]. Withdrawing some of your core wifely characters is a great protest note to let him be aware that he is losing you. Assalamu aleykum sister. May Allah reward you Sumer for you hard work and taking time to respond. That day I lost all my temper and gave him an earful for the next 15 mins. It was such amazing timing. May Allah protect us from toxic people and help everyone become better people. Wa iyaa kum, Sufiyan. Forgive and forget?? I take care of her as she is pregnant but still she never remember that things I do for her and always try to speak bad words for me and my family.. Thank you for the valuable article. Should I allow myself to suffer and let them crumble my self respect as I did in the past? Thank you for your comment. I live with my in-laws i dont want to live with them Im not happy with them, they are very forceful and oppressing towards me and their behavior and way of living with me causing me great amount of stress depression and anxiety, they believe they have right on me and i should obey them more than my husband and should spend time with them whether i want or not and there also many more issues. Place your hopes in Allah , and not in people. Posted by khairat October 24, 2012 Printer-friendly. (Al-Anfal, 8:46), Our Prophet said, It is sin enough for you not to cease quarreling. 4. Setting boundaries/limits is crucial. 1. pls attach to my email quran that transleted to english jklk. Of course, pray to Allah (swt) to help you to improve. Please review the coping skills in this article. Well done! Yes he provides for the family sufficiently bit its not money with which we have a problem. Parents have an Islamic obligation to treat their children with justice and goodness. I wonder what your mother thinks you should do. We should not put ourselves in situations that we know will harm us. This is exactly what I am going through. Eliza didn't know where to turn for help when she found out about her husband's sex addiction. Initially how is at rede started telling what a useless wife my mother is does no job and simply spends time doing nothing. When someone is behaving unjustly to you, find peace in the truth of the situation, knowing that Allah is enough as a Witness. Increasingly i have come to see how toxic some family members are and the games they play. Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. May Allah have mercy on us all. I was molested by an older cousin when I was younger. Every time I apologized. So keeping distance for the sake of maintaining your health so that you can still show your parents respect (for the long-term) is the idea. But if i am honest with myself, it has always been this way. Use your intuition and reason to decide how to respond to a toxic family member. I look forward to hearing from you. He even went so far as to saying FU** your God. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Our Prophet said, Whosoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good, or keep silent.. Their behaviors are severely affecting your life and health. They cause me a lot of emotional grief. I woke up this morning after a rough talk with a family member yesterday and this post was the first I saw on my timeline. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. Upholding the ties of kinship is very important in Islam, and it includes tangible and intangible matters, of which the intangible matters are far more important. Spend time with them separately and let your spouse and your parents know you love them but are not getting in the middle to play peace maker. Salaam Waasafa, thank you for your kind comment. How do you relieve yourself of that feeling? However, let's not even go there as that sort of treatment isn't happening, rather, quite the opposite. Worse still, they have refused to give me out in marriage. But If father is unhappy then Allah is unhappy. My father is an angry man. The worst part is he is a very pious man. Can I travel to Saudi Arabia without a visa and apply for an umrah visa from there? My hubby doesnt mke me feel hapi. Sewing clothes and selling without informing the husband, The Mystery of Quranic Breath: Effects on Health and Well-being, Praying Behind an Omnipresent Believer of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihi Wasallam), The Status of a Job Acquired with False Certification. The write up is of immense help. 13 February, 2022 In this counseling answer: I would like you to keep in mind that while it is ok to feel upset and angry, self-harming behavior would never be the right response. JazakAllah for this article. I keep thinking why am I with such a person who does not like any of my qualities. I have been married for 3 yrs and have a baby, i love my husband dearly BUT we are constantly having arguments, i feel he treats me like a bully, always putting me down, insulting me, and making me feel stupid and inferior. 15 Signs Your Husband Resents His In-Laws Completely - Bonobology.com Thank you for your encouraging comment, Husna. My sister in law called my husband and use very bad abusive words and said she will come and will bash me as well . There is no justification in Islam for any type of abuse and you should certainly try to seek help from a trustworthy outside source. I must say you have hit the proverbial nail on the head in your article. I really dont care to all the threats he is giving me indirectly. Great advice and so on point. May Allah bless you and give you the best of both worlds. Why people are so unkind. Assalam u alaikum. I am 29 years old, male and have been living with my father since 4 Years now. Yet he is this arrogant and illeterate. We all were searching for a good name for my little princess. For asking him to buy some gold. It is not always possible to maintain relationships with a toxic family member as it can be detrimental to your own mental health. Also, do not take the toxic behavior of family members personally. He has texted my mother asking her not to get in touch with me anymore. Dear sister, if the problem is your husband, please seek some kind of help, such as counseling or talking with an Imam. May Allahu SWT continue to use him/her to light other peoples candle. They talk behind my back and blame me for things that Im not aware off. Wa iyaa kum, Ikram. But unfortunately my imaan is too weak to act that way. I wish I could forward this msg to alot of brothers and sisters going through very tough family problems. Thank you for your kind comment. Part 3: Ideas to Cope with Toxic Family Members. I know I was also wrong towards him in the beginning. . Withdraw some of your wifely Character. He can be thoughtful and nice, but he's also quick tempered and confrontational and has no filter, or refuses to employ it for . I neve knknew my father had this hatred towards my mother. Then somebody came to me and started stealing of the foodstuff. The link to the lecture is : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_x8iumfZ3Vs. I love you for the sake of Allah too. I know that Jannah lies at the feet of your mother, but its really hard to keep sabr and please her when her behavior is toxic and dramatic. He affects my parents and me I have tried some of the things mentioned. They make fun of me everyday calling me names like "ugly" "useless" "witch" and I can't take it anymore. His job is not giving him visa so he buys business visa for himself and the only reason he is sticking to his job is because its easy where he does not have to work. Thank you for your beautiful and positive comment. r/progressive_islam - Can I get my husband to not hate me because of my So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshiping in the mornings, the nights. 3. He called my mother to KSA where he lives and works, and when my sister requested for a new bed since the one shes sleeping on was very hard and caused her backache he became so angrry on her amd blamed even this on my mother that she has not raised my sister properly. I have a question if a toxic family member is crossing the boundries and harming a person..what will be our reply according to quran and sunnah. What can I do about my situation? There is so much jealousy , hate and anger in peoples heart. I was literally crying as I was reading this in my office. Do everything possible to try to improve this most important relationship. If they request something from you, you can respect their requests (as long as they are reasonable and permissible in Islam). Quora - A place to share knowledge and better understand the world Wa iyaa kum dear Sis. Ive bottled up my feelings for as long as I can remember, have cried to bed for countless nights and have no clear view of how to cope with all this. And the best part is he tells us tosinton relationships. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. And that was my decision given my mom's mental health. My husband does not make any effort in keeping us together, does not like my family, takes help from them but talks bad behind, he uses bad language with me, tells me I am not fit to be a wife, does not like the food I prepare, and asks me to stay in his fathers house since I am married to that house. Here is the hadith I think you are quoting: Narrated Abu Huraira: Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasallam ordered me to guard the Zakat revenue of Ramadan. They use abuse words for my mother as well just because of me. Our story is that my father ! I agree and I will pray for you and your family. These all are just a few instances of abuse done by our great father to me and my mother. He manipulates everyone in our family and convinces them into getting what he wants. Just judgement. What should I do now. Asked us all members regarding name 1 and name 2. I'd definitely give it a few months or even a few years to see if your partner fits . Boundaries are limits that you set with other people. If more damage is done mentally. I love my husband very much but I also miss my mom and siblings.
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