why do cheaters downgrade

But if you read any of my earlier posts, my mother in law and sis in law still talk to her. One study says that up to 40% of couples experience cheating. His top three are people who are late, women who look slutty too much make up and inappropriate clothing at work, women who are loud and obnoxious. Giz I never asked to share my h with another w, i told him if he wanted to share himself he needed to leave. Denial. More women than men recognized this as one of their motives for cheating . It just sucks that now Im reliving some of this mess after my Hs EA. They looked like Mutt and Jeff. Its funny how things like this help define your life, sometimes in a good way, because you become more wiser especially after a huge hurt. I would do the same except I am over educated enough. I work at an upscale restaurant, and make double what my husband does, in half the hours. In the following section, we will explore the different consequences that cheaters may face. She saw dollar signs when he got nude so I guess she could look past a lot of it. Hi All, This is Kelbellys H with my point of view as the CS. I didnt know that was the number one excuse. Yet then I guess too, she was looking at the $$$$$ too. He is traveling in Europe with her now and I was not included on the invitation. And apologized to me. It may be the relationship that caused that disconnection. My H was looking for an ego boost, attention stroking, whatever. I always thought that you should treat people the way you want to be treated and after you make a commitmentyou give 100% but I found out that it isnt always appreciated. She was trying to be his fantasy as well. So wasnt easier because he let his family try and destroy our family, he let his family put shit on me and he believed it. You are better woman than I. After that, she was babysitting for a lady she met in there. etc. Too old to be that but at my age I will take a compliment wherever I can get it! We still had to keep proving ourselves. My h still works long hours, more than ever before, stays away over night here and there each week, because of the long travel time because we moved, I just couldnt handle living where I was anymore. Three years on he isnt over it and I understand that. For awhile it all really threw me down in a pit. This is exactly what I was going to post. It made me wonder if I had any good qualities at all if I could lose a competition with THAT. For seven more months he hounded me for pictures. My heart asking me can I live through this again? The 8 Reasons Why People Cheat | Psychology Today Sounds like teenagers, dont you think? I only hope that I can learn to trust again. Engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones can also aid in the healing process. Like you said he wasnt himsellf. Is there anything theres not some kind of crazy made up term for, lol? BUT Ive changed too and he isnt liking that too much in some regard. It does not necessarily mean that he no longer loves his wife anymore. His escape from reality, yet i was made out to be the worst thing on earth. Ive been cheated on by every female Ive dated all the way back to 10th grade, with my wife I thought I found someone different, it just took her 23 years to rip my heart out, I dont think any woman can be trusted given the right circumstances. That is brilliant! Became a religious NUT. NOT to get medication. HER: very into money, very into her brand names, very into her image. Exercisegrace, I just told him good cause I didnt want to make him angry. We are on equal footing. Definitely a mid life crisis. They were now both divorced and free to see each other without any worries but he still dumped herinteresting. I can accept that what he did had nothing to do with me and my failings. The CS may have affaired down but that is not the OW/OM fault. I looked at him when I first met him and realized he wasnt handsome at all. Children may experience financial instability if the cheating led to a divorce or separation. I never actually met with the OW but we talked online a lot and on the phone a few times. She pursued me is the #1 all too common first thing a wayward husband says. It may seem like a better decision at the time, but it will prove it to be a step down.. She divorce my h didnt divorce me. I sometimes wonder if she will do it again, but do not dwell on that as it only makes me mistrust her more. I even feign interest and sympathy to him with regards to his parents. I should clarify my wife did all the bending over backwards after I found out about the affair. My mother in law and father in law and sis in law all knew about the affair. One of the reasons I put so much effort into our life was because I was married once before24 years ago. Why Do People Cheat? A Marriage Counselor Explains It All In addition to this, not getting caught makes them believe that they are more clever and thus, superior. Carol, thanks so much for sharing your story. Sometimes I catch myself trying to find the man I fell in love with, not this person that took his place. I could win an academy award for the performance I put on where they are concerned. She played with his ego, and he liked it because he was feeling depressed about life, she made him feel better. We had many discussions about infidelity and she swore she could never do that to someoneand would never do that to me. Is a cheater always a cheater? I assumed that was just part of the blame-shifting phase she went through. He even texts me if he goes somewhere else. Im sure theres some that will disagree with my generalizing and stereotyping so I am only speaking generally for women. This can manifest in many ways, but typically, cheaters describe a sense of dissatisfaction, unfulfillment, or unhappiness in their partnership. the OWs blog recently had a posting where she advocated using guidance from books on how to best manage conducting a long distance relationship. I dont know if I was the perfect husband but I never stopped trying. The first AP was definitely an affair down she didnt have custody of her children, didnt have a place to stay, seemed out of her mind. She told me that she was friends with other woman for 12 years. Why Do Cheaters Downgrade - WHYPLOA She kept adding guy friends on Facebook and going for GNOs at every opportunity. Its good to see your h is regaining your trust, and you do trust him again. You would not consider that an affair? It is important for us not to focuse on that, because infidelitys main reason is emotional, self- centered, self-serving and manipulative. I feel terrible because he is doing it for us, and I even tell him to stay away because I dont want anything o happen to him on the road, but sometimes I to myself, if something happens again, it will be my fault because I told him to stay because I wanted him safe. Oh my goodness!! There was a lot of texting, sexting and Im sure naked pictures being sent back and forth. Seriously this is a mistake we make over and over again. He doesnt want to read any books on the subject and even says he is repressing the memory AND, a huge AND, his actions are genuine. Discussion Why Do Cheaters Affair Down? It has been a long time since i visited this site. The worst part was when D-Day came his excuse for his actions was that I had gained weight! Im sorry. Ex cheated and downgraded. I don't know why and can't get - Reddit The emotions and intimacy of her affair changed her forever and her her lack of commitment afterward sealed the deal. My parents are dead so my husband dealt with no negative consequences. it does speak to who he is, his pain and brokenness. stupid is the operative word. He isnt always around. Thats priceless and they will probably divorce anyway. Narcissism. who encourage adultery, I can and will cut them out of my life. One phone call could be labeled as a mistake. Yes he cheated, but he is working on his issues and has truly made big changes as well as shown genuine remorse. Carol, Im curious, how did your fathers cheating finally play out? Made her feel too important. I did everything I could to make my relationship with him work. Thats when the anger started to surface. That marriage absolutely imploded and resulted in his death. Hang in there you are on the right road by cutting that princess loose. The reasons behind why cheaters choose to downgrade can vary from one person to another and depend on various factors, including guilt, fear of getting caught, and an attempt to avoid expectations from others. Hes trailer park trash. I guess I failed to lean that sometimes people just change. The analysis revealed eight key motivations, most of which didn't involve sex at all. Why Do People Cheat? 17 Reasons and Tips for Moving Past It - Healthline Smoothly I hope! Needs are not being met emotionally or sexually. When cheaters engage in denial, they lie to themselves about what they are doing and the impact their behavior is currently having and might have in the future. I guess I was afraid of him. For example, they are selfish and greedy and often think only of themselves. He showed up once more and I went over to end it. You know like the old line you have such a pretty face, if you just lost weight you would be a knockout. I no longer have a relationship w her nor does my child. Unfortunately, I feel they have just defined me.but as what? Everything was a shock to me, I had no clue that we were in trouble, he didnt once come to me, so him making out that I was so terrible in front of his family has been so hard to take, it is so humiliating. It gives me something to look forward to. I said to him how could you kiss her, how could you stand that smokers breathe. I wonder if I will ever know the answer. Cheaters almost always come back. Its strange, but the quality and quantity of sex didnt change. She did seem to re-write our marital history to justify her actions. Yes he most certainly was, LOL. I will not change who I am because of what she did. He said in therapy how she always put him on a pedestal and made him feel more important than he wasback in the day and at the time of the EA. First, I will state the obvious. He was in a hurry and thats when I got my first real look at him. Ive been accused of stuff I didnt do, too., Then she said Im not in this What, you cant even commit to telling your married son he shouldnt run around with whores behind his wifes back? Not a excuse but thats what I was going through. Someone who clearly didnt care about HIS family either! She has A LOT of growing up to do because that whole princess crap wears thin on most adults!!! His closets were totally organized. All he could think of was me, no matter how hard he tried to forget about me he couldnt. this made me feel like Id been some sort of poor second choice for our entire marriage. When my mother married my stepfather, my fathers parents again, her former, ex-in-laws started inviting my stepfather to family gatherings and sending him birthday cards, etc. He could work till late in the evening even though I had a beautiful meal cooked and waiting for him. However in our case, my wife did everything that TryingHard did She took excellent care of the household, our kids, and me. For example, some cheaters may be struggling with addiction, anxiety, or depression, while others may have unresolved childhood trauma or attachment issues. My sons tell me their friends call me a MILF which I had to ask what that was and was totally embarrassed when they explained!!! Told me some lies to as well. Understanding Family Dynamics. He never told me where he lived when he came back from overseas. I think my H went for this type of woman simply because she was available and she looked like the porn stars he was currently obsessed with at that time too. Thanks for posting and as usual I got another piece of this puzzle. Of course that didnt matter because OM lived only 4 miles away. Is It Normal for Your Best Friend to Have Other Friends? Are you guys still buying into that line? Sometimes people talk the talk but cant walk the walk right? and the key phrase is wants to be. I love what you saidall of it. She made my H feel good by boosting his ego with her sexual interest and sympathetic conversation. She was trying to line up alliances while she moved in for the kill. Since this happened to me, al of a sudden I woke up and thought, what am I going to do with my life? However, there might be a very tiny number . ), so it is difficult to be certain. Did I affair down? I know it would had been difficult to deal with for a many, many years but we would most likely still be married if she did. Yet the ow, had no trouble taking her top off in front of my h. So it makes me wonder, how she could after only separating from her h not long before setting her sights on my h. She was with her h for 20 yrs, yet she easily took her top off in front of my h. God knows what elsemshe took off in her attempts at stealing my h affections. Coincidence? And even worse whose mother encouraged it. Young children may blame themselves for their parents infidelity. Im intelligent, attractive, stayed youthful, kind, humorous, and MORAL. She would rarely flirt back. HER: told him from the beginning that kids were not her thing She is childless by choice, and way into her career. It had become duty sex for her. Only the good die young! You get to enjoy all your good Karma and you will have countless good women throwing themselves at you. Yes if I were to leave I would have no problem finding another maybe better person to spend the rest of my life with. Things are much better than they have been and my H is great at making me feel good these days but I do wonder that this is the same man who threw me under a bus just to do what he wanted. The marriage only lasted for a little over a year. I know I shouldnt be comparing her to me, as really she cheapened herself not me, yet it does feel like i am the cheap one. For months and months and even to this day if I have a question or a trigger , I tell him and I tell him I need to talk about it. I got the bottom of the barrel scum low life. Could be thousands. Baha!) Is actually kind of plain and is older than him (an me!). My SIL befriended ow as well. No one can tell you if they will. It was at a time when I was going through perimenopause and I had depression and mood swings. The quality and quantity dropped steadily when she started with OM. Now theyd say it was child abuse, it wasnt. My hubby told them in front of me to never mention her name to us. He gave in. She left her two older children with her mother and moved 2000 miles or so to California. Relationships are often built upon trust and communication, and cheating breaks both of those foundations. Rag Mags tell us how to be beautiful, sexy etc to attrack our prince charming. Luckily it was only 4 months and it was online, but it did cause a lot of damage. The cheater may also begin to question their own morality and personal values, leading to a loss of self-respect and self-esteem. Apple Beta FAQ This convo caused a little bit of a fight. You know like those animal shows where the inferior male stalks the herd and tries to get one of the females when the Alpha male isnt looking? I know now that for at least a year after I discovered her affair, she was still in contact with himat the very least. My sister turned out really well. Why have cheaters been able to prosper so much in these fields? It was awful. To gain a true understanding of the mind of a cheater in your life may ultimately require your willingness to hear the other person's side of the story, whether you choose to forgive or not . I asked him why he thought he was protected from disease when there was unprotected oral sex? I have never hwaded that before. Sometimes I catch myself distancing myself and wondering are my feelings starting to change towards him. It is no big surprise that the om left her. Put herself down while building up his ego so he really felt like a knight in shining armour, By the way. I adore the croissant making scene. Should I Always Say What I Think No One Is Telling You. NOPE. She was an idiot to fall for his crap. Have wonderful weekend! If he was single tomorrow, someone like her would not even get a second look, as she doesnt meet any of the criteria he has for wife and mother. You know what really hurtshe was broken and stupid and the answer was to do something that would crush my soul and break my heart. Absolutely I did. I never nagged him about anything. I found all of this out from their messages but they only spanned 3 months of their 1 1/2 year affair. Sorry folks, she was WITH A MARRIED MAN. The reasons? Apparently it was fun as long as my wife was a free piece of azz and there were commitments to deal with. I didnt take my vows as just words they were taken seriously. I think they affair down with someone totally opposite of us because some part of them knows that not only is what they are doing wrong, but it is not the choice they want for their life. They get really confident and think it has to do with them when it really just has to do with you and your integrity. Yet can you believe, I sit here wondering should I be furthering my education in a direction that helps my h and our business, how is that, I still put my h first, above everyone else, because I want to help him somehow. She was a symptom of HIS disease process, and he considers her the biggest mistake of his life. She is a stay-at-home mom and has a business in our home, so they had lots of time to sext when it wasnt busy. Each of you and your stories give me the strength to feel not alone and positive about myself. Hahaha my husbands OW has a ton of makeup but no nail clippers! Cindy He never intended for it to become physical, he liked and was flattered by the attention and I can believe that. He told me that he was repulsed by the way I looked. Ever. And thats how most men end up seeing their OW. Why a Cheater Cheats | Psychology Today He also insists that he never bad mouthed me, always told them I was a great wife, mother, cook, etc. While there are many different reasons and root causes behind why men cheat, including a lack of self-esteem, a search for validation, emotional and/or physical dissatisfaction, in addition to sheer lust or love for another person, an unfaithful partner can be devastating for any relationship. She does a lot, so big mismatch there. ok and his ironing..ULK Im hopless. In fact, cheaters can change and become better people. Decimated, I can believe your ex w, she knew all you have been through and did it herself. I dont feel she will ever be the same. Instead of seeing my h as strong and the protector of my heart, I see someone that can truly break it, because he has broken it. Our therapists both say it is common for an affair to become physical just because the cheating spouse wants to continue to have the emotional needs met. I thought they had pushed his cousin onto him so I would leave. She was nobody and nothing special, she just was part of a perfect storm. I dont wear make up which he always liked. It is taking longer than I thought, but will do what it takes to protect myself as best I can. She made no effort to be transparent with her whereabouts or to make me feel safe and desired. Cheating may seem like a quick fix to a problem in a relationship, but the consequences of infidelity can be long-lasting. We are working very hard at making our marriage work, and when I dont get angry or feel hurt, our marriage is he best its ever been! It wasnt uncommon to spend over an hour getting her there. In addition to seeking help, cheaters can also change by committing to making amends with their partner. Turned out they were so angry with my h, and even moreso with her. Each of the women had at least two of his top three! Why do cheaters often cheat down? : r/survivinginfidelity - Reddit She could have been anyone. Were. When will it just stop? She did tell him she loved him, but assures me that as soon as she said it, she regretted it. I was no longer met by the door when I came home from work with a hug and a kiss. It disgust me that she was his choice. I told him know but he did it anyway. as the primary partner who is being cheated on. He chose her because she was not me, someone he knew he would never be happy with, someone that deep down he knew was everything he didnt want in a wife. But we never even find out about the many who . If You've Been Cheated On, Read This | Psychology Today Boy did she get a rude awakening when she found out her gold-digging was all in vain! He wasnt about to leave his wife, his family. The EA portion of my exs affair is actually what killed our marriagenot the PA. As a man, the PA is what drove me crazy with mind moviesand still does. A nice breather is worth the wait. Because she was easy, simple and willing. However, seeing that the OW was a friend of ours and the family, my in laws new all a out the affair over a year before I did. I have read that in can be so much better after reconciliationand I believe it. I hope you can see what a better place you are in without her. Participants (70 percent) revealed that feeling neglected was at least moderately tied to their cheating behavior. During reconciliation my h told me that after he moved in with ow, he called his mother for advice. I dont see where his attraction to her is because he constantly said how she was a horrible parent & never disciplined her kids, that she was fat, immature, etc. Ugh!!! If nothing else, it will be a step down in terms of maturity, character, integrity, intelligence, loyalty, spirituality, sincerity, etc. Otherwise I would probably say something completely rude and nonproductive like, so you would be ok if I played with some toys? Then she discovered and old crush from her past on Facebook. Took 20 min for the pain to go away. Maybe I should cut my H some slack. Ya, guess what, Ive been your daughter in law for 22. What she didnt realise was that, as I earned more money that my exH, most of our lifestyle was funded by me. It will forever be the greatest mystery unsolved to black women.Why when men cheat they downgrade from what they had at home, to females who don't have shit going on but a raggedy lace front and a football team full of kids? It gets kind of sketchy here. A simple desire to have sex can motivate some people to cheat. And truth to be told, i am a foreigner in his country, and except his MIL and SIL, all the other family members supported me and our kids. To begin with, theyre usually very impulsive and prone to taking risks that others might avoid.

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