Look for the hidden positive outcome motivating the person to act passive-aggressively. Reminding yourself that everyone else feels uncomfortable will help you maintain your composure. How to Handle Passive-Aggressive Co-Workers - LinkedIn To help resolve the issue and reverse the behavior, start by approaching your co-worker in a non-confrontational way. They are doing the best they can, and direct confrontation doesnt feel safe to them, which can make addressing it precarious as they are likely to deny any negative dynamics.. This is strictly for clarifying your understanding of things and keeping your thoughts organized. In reality, youll probably have to work with this person again. According to a survey from the language-learning platform Preply, 73% of American workers said they have experienced passive aggression at work; 52% admit to being passive-aggressive at work themselves; and 38% feel their workplace incentivizes passive-aggressive communication. Constantly remarking on feeling unappreciated or put-upon. Dealing with an aggressive colleague? Especially because of the things they might say in anger. I think its important to begin with empathy, Brick said. Mastering a few simple principles of assertiveness can help defuse resistance and bolster cooperation. Dont allow yourself to be treated unfairly. Once youve figured out what needs to happen next, you can decide how best to handle the issue. How do you deal with passive aggressive coworkers? Identify the co-worker's behavior as passive-aggressive; however, refrain from attempting to render any type of diagnosis of someone's behavior. Traditional job search and career advice work for many people, but not everyone. Itll likely make them even more defensive and angry neither of which are conducive to having a productive chat. If you need to take this step, focus on the business impact, such as how their no-showing at meetings is impacting project timelines and budgets. If your job requires collaboration with passive-aggressive colleagues, you may need to modify your communication ever so slightly in order to make things work. [If] someone on your team is mad at the boss, they might end up being aggressive towards you passively to take it out on that boss, but you are the more direct recipient of that, West said. Suffer . Am I annoyed, or am I outraged? he says. This can be as simple as a quick call to say, I wonder if you are frustrated by my performance from the e-mails Ive received over the past three weeks. Now, more often than none, the passive-aggressive individual will deny that they are even upset. It may seem contrived to some, but being able to put yourself in others shoes is a necessity for building emotional intelligence. If you're tired of dealing with an easily annoyed and conflict-avoidant coworker, here's what you need to do. 6. Now, before jumping to any conclusions, Id advise that you wait to see whether this is a recurring pattern, before taking action. How to Deal with a Passive-Aggressive Colleague - Harvard Business Review Avoid using words such as you or your and use I, we, our, so they wont feel under attack. This keeps the conversation in a positive, constructive tone, instead of blaming and putting the person on the defensive.. Click here to listen to the latest episode on Apple Podcasts. What strategies can you employ to deflect an aggressive colleague? In an unprecedented time where all of my colleagues are working from home and none of us have seen each other in-person for six months, tensions are high, and its not as easy as it once was to convey expectations in the workplace. It may seem a bit strange at first, but we recommend keeping a sort of short-term document to note specific, concrete examples of your colleagues passive-aggressive behavior. If you're dealing with an office bully now one quick tip is to make sure that your boss or another colleague is in meetings with you or copied in on emails between the two of you. Either way, its worth addressing the situation head-on to prevent tensions from flaring. Conversations like these arent easy to have. Picture yourself as calm and separate from the turmoil your colleague has created doing this should help you approach the situation objectively and purposefully. The confusion left in the wake of passive-aggressive behavior can drive you to insanity, or the bar at 5:00 pm sharp. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. That might mean working from home to limit contact, popping on headphones while you work, or taking a brisk walk around the block to clear your mind. Unfortunately, conflict between people has been dangerous or deadly throughout human history. By taking action now, you can prevent further problems down the road. Staying silent both condones their behavior and it means your own wellbeing gets overlooked. Assertiveness is a quality worth cultivating as Professor of Human Behavior Melody Wilding explains, it is the happy medium between the two extremes of aggressive and passive this calm-yet-effective, agreeable- yet-firm temperament seems superhuman. Tempting as it can be to fight back in retaliation, the best course of action is to take the emotion out of the situation and keep the conversation business related. When in direct conversation, avoid using words like you or your when directed at the passive-aggressive person. In any case, if you want to improve the quality of your working relationship, its essential to look at the big picture. Read on by signing up for a free Ivy Exec membership! Here are some phrases you might like to feed into your conversation: The passive-aggressive person wants to feel heard, but for some reason, felt unable to make it happen themselves. Although, not with the intention of poisoning their minds against the aggressive person. Refusing to own up to negative feelings when confronted. So, is it time to assert yourself? They may be under stress and venting it in the wrong place. If you say youll start without them, enforce it. Here are some tips to guide you toward a positive outcome. Instead, try to figure out why youre unhappy and address those issues. If so, you might take a more empathetic approach toward their actions and try to understand why they're struggling to resolve their dilemma properly. 6 min November 18, 2022 Let's face it. Calming breathing exercises can be useful tools to have on hand during times of intense stress and conflict. If possible keep some distance from them unless it is critical for your work. Then its an easier process to detach.. How to Deal with a Mean Colleague - Harvard Business Review Keertana Anandraj is a recent college grad living in San Francisco. If you find it distressing to be spoken to in an aggressive manner and it leaves you wondering what you did to deserve it, you are not alone. Many companies now offer training on how to deal with difficult situations. Help your employee recognize that their colleagues' opinions of them won't shift . Some examples of passive-aggressive behavior include sarcastic remarks, acting friendly to someone's face while criticizing them behind their back, and saying something nice while using negative non-verbal cues. Asking questions will show them you are listening, such as Im not sure I understand, are you saying, and will diffuse the atmosphere leading eventually to resolution. How to Manage a Stubborn, Defensive, or Defiant Employee You should also remind yourself of how you only have to deal with them at work, i.e. Step 4: If All Else Fails, Take It To HR. Perfectionism can lead to excessself-criticism,poorer qualitywork performance, burnout,anddepression. Work on staying calm and controlling your emotions so you can be composed. It takes two people to support a passive-aggressive relationship. Instead of acting the same way towards passive-aggressive co-workers, approach them about their behavior in a non-confrontational way. Passive-aggressiveness may be caused by insecurity, lack of self-confidence, a fear of conflict, or unawareness of how to have healthy conflict, Brick said. Understand the situation, including why they feel the way they do, and your involvement, Focus on the core message, keeping emotions out of it where possible, Get angry and accuse the person of being passive-aggressive, Send angry emails or chats in the heat of the moment. Gossip. Avoid firing back with comments like Why would you do that? or What do you really mean? Consider ways you may be enabling the passive-aggressive dynamic to stay in place as well: backhanded compliments, procrastinating on deliverables, saying its fine when its not. Maintain a reasonable volume, avoid raising your voice, showing signs of frustration, or forgetting to breathe regardless of how strongly you feel about the subject matter. Recently I dealt with an employer who had a co-worker who made a bunch of TikTok videos about them but didn't call them out by name. In addition, dont bring this to your boss as a problem they need to deal with even though it is. The best way to deal with aggressive coworkers is to ignore them completely. Learn how your comment data is processed. Dealing with a passive-aggressive co-worker can feel odd. When sharing how they make you feel, use "I" language so they better understand your perspective. Addressing The Behavior Directly And Assertively. Reacting to provocations only escalates conflict and gives the passive-aggressive person the reward they want, keeping the bad behavior in place. 6 tips for dealing with pushy and aggressive coworkers - Business Insider Try to understand the person behind the aggression, it might show you a way to handle them. The stronger the company culture is, the better employee relationships will be. They tend to speak loudly and interrupt others without giving them a chance to finish their sentences. The reality of dealing with an aggressive colleague is that you're probably not the only person facing their behaviour and there's no point suffering alone.
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