coworkers who complain about everything

2023 American Management Association. Over time, complainers become negativity addicts, attracted to the drama that comes with a complaining attitude. So, its not uncommon for workers to havevalid complaints. She should tell him that while she recognizes that he feels bad, his constant complaining is upsetting everyone in the organization. Take the first steps toward turning your idea into a business. See you later! In grade level meetings, stop the complaining by saying, Since have about fifteen minutes left, maybe we should finish planning this out and then when were done, we can go back and look at some of these issues that might create a problem. (If your meetings are anything like mine, there wont be any time at the end.). Call me as soon as you get in." Complaining can also create tension between you and your coworkers. Great advice that applies to lifes complainers in general! Dear Boss, A friend and co-worker of mine (we met at our current job and became friends outside of work), I'll call her Donna, is deeply unhappy. By checking in with a coworker about whether she, too, experiences Doug as slow to respond, we get confirmation for our existing beliefs, and the satisfaction that comes from being right about Doug. 1st example: " Bob, I've been . It was so much more pleasant! Because it feels good, requires minimal risk, and it's easy. Ask, Hey, how did it go with that new activity you tried this morning? or One of my kids said the funniest thing during math today, listen to this or I saw the coolest thing on Pinterest, I think we should try it!, Talking about outside interests creates a strong bond among co-workers. But if youre not so lucky, theres still a way to utilize this advice by ignoring him when what hes saying or doing isnt necessary. Or they want others to listen to them. Give the Complainer Context 2. Is that what you intended? Second, pivot the conversation by asking, How can I help you get a better outcome? Only engage in coaching, brainstorming, and problem-solving conversations not in problem-confirming ones. Instead of pointing out only the positive things in the situation and trying to override the complainers negativitywhich, as written above, can cause the opposite effecttry giving them the context, resonating the situation they complain about with macro factors that caused it to happen. Given their negativity, it is hard for them to make decisions and solve problems. If theres a, Sometimes, the problem is the job itself. How to Deal With Coworkers Who Complain About Everything. Misallocation of resources. These types of workplaces can be challenging to deal with. I started taking my lunch to the local park. No wonder that chronic complainers like Peter are more likely to see problems instead of solutions, making it very difficult to work with them. Also, surround yourself with teammates who will inspire you to be a better person, provide you with motivation to achieve your goals, empower you to make the changes you need to success, and cheer on your success, says Leon Logothetis, author of Amazing Adventures of a Nobody: A Life Changing Journey Across America Relying on the Kindness of Strangers. Just be open to talking and try to create a comfortable space where everyone can share their concerns. All you have to do is: Log in to DoNotPay and choose the Anonymous HR Complaints product. If they complain about something to you, you can say: Make it clear that youre not interested in hearing their complaints. Tactfully and diplomatically tell the busybodies to mind their own business. The next time your boss brings someone's complaint to you, try asking her what she said to them in response. Your grumbling employee should not dominate your conversations. Dont let one person ruin it for you. Well, it can help you eliminate that gloomy presence in your life (hopefully). A 2016 study found that negative behaviors like rudeness can spread like a cold. The employee may beoverworked,underpaid, orundervalued. You go to the office, and when you meet with your coworkerits usually the same onesthey start complaining about everything: the higher management, the whole company, and even non-work-related topics, such as sports, family, government, and more. A reader writes: I work in IT at a mid-sized company and my coworker, who I share an office with, does a lot of complaining. In doing so, he might find that his mood improved; he might have more energy and feel less anxious. 2) Ask yourself or others why you need someone elses confirmation about a behavior that youre noticing in a third person. Ironically, complaining about things creates more things to complain about. Use The Muse to find a job at a company with a culture you love. I especially like your suggestion to finish the planning then discuss any concerns about it. And their employees often have valid complaints. This book will empower you to develop a resilient, flexible, positive mindset. Returning to Peter, perhaps he wanted Lisas validation for how unfair or annoying his situation was and to establish some kind of emotional connection. Extraordinary Productivity: The 5 Choices The Drive Success. And it can also affect your health. If you believe that one employee on your team is exceptionally busy, and your other employees are not, you'll allocate resources and tasks accordingly. If you are an employee, learn how to make constructive complaints and avoid destructive criticisms. So, lets check some useful methods of dealing with a coworker who complains a lot. If managers avoid tattling and gossiping about employees (even among fellow managers), employees at all levels of the organization will mirror their behavior. IT was understaffed at this company for a long time, and we have a huge backlog of projects, poor management, and little support from leadership. The key here is to get someone chattering on about something that no complainer can dissuade them from. The Office Flirt. I am not a negative Nancy, poor choice of a pun! Theyre more of a reflection on the person who is saying them than the recipient. Or, there may be a lot ofpolitical infighting. Here are some strategies to stop the sniping and encourage employees to mind their own business: Don't get sucked in to this destructive dynamic. Employees resent work rules. Repressing our feelings may stop us from naming our problem and getting to the bottom of it. If youre the target of these complaints, its essential to avoid them and ignore them. Their negative attitudes and opinions are venomous and contagious. And Angel believes you should do your best to leave these types of people behind in order to subtract the bad and add the good. If you are engaging in informal and evaluative talk in an organization, usually among no more than a few individuals, about another member of that organization who is not present, especially if the aim is to confirm your experience rather than get constructive solutions then you are participating in gossip. By talking to anyone, everyone, or even one person about another colleague who isn't there to hear the feedback, provide his or her perspective, and engage in joint problem solving, you are. In my coaching work with leaders and teams, I often ask my clients whether they engage in workplace gossip. Dont spend a minute longer with the complainers than you have to. Or, they may be going through a tough time in theirpersonal life, such as divorce. Talking with one or more coworkers about how hard it is to get Doug in Accounting to give a timely response creates a feeling of connection with everyone else who is struggling with Dougs lack of responsiveness. However, even if their complaints are valid, that doesnt mean you have to listen to them all the time. I am Aleena N. Amjad. Research shows that chronic complaining like Peters has physiological effects. The best thing you can do is be polite and. We all have colleagues we cant standthe one who chews louder than humanly possible (or so you thought, until you met him), the one who tries to steal the spotlight all the time, the one who makes excuse after excuse and is really just a lazy bum, and [fill in annoying characteristic of a fellow employee here]. However, it can be counterproductive to validate the opinions of those who are determined to point out everything wrong with a situation and why an idea will never work. A habit often formed in childhood, it arises from a need for validation and. There are too many things competing for your attention as a teacher. Being supportive of coworkers can help build stronger relationships and increase trust among team members. Its possible that your manager was unaware of the problem. This toxic coworker tends to be unprofessional and will do everything to pull you in flirtatious conversation at work, so try keeping a distance when you recognize this . Its essential to limit your exposure to these types of people. It can even worsen and harm the whole teams atmosphere, causing decreased productivity and well-being of team members. Crowd out their negative energy by consistently talking about the good things that are happening and staying focused on your goals. Finally, we use gossip as a way to collect evidence that confirms our beliefs, satisfying our confirmation bias the tendency to look for information that confirms what we already believe to be true. As the negative person absorbs positivity from your presence, [she] will like himself better, and this hopefully will lead to a virtuous cycle of greater trust in others and optimism about the future. How does this help you, you ask? He will appreciate you bringing it to theirattention. This behavior results in a huge waste of time and energy. Also, their complaints can becontagious. To do this, youll need to learn how to identify destructive comments or behavior (e.g., incessant eye rolling). But it is best that you do it as soon as possible. During the bad years, Id eat with one other colleague in my room. If you can identify the reason for their complaints, you may be able to help them solve the problem. Simply reach out to us and well do everything we can to assist you. I work in a project/team in my organisation which comprises of 6 people. This is usually done out ofrevenge or jealousy. But complaints can also be used as a way to exercise power and influence perceptions. We use cookies to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. If they complain about something to you, you can say: Its important to set boundaries with a coworker who complains. Here are the steps you can take to understand how to deal with coworkers who complain about you: 1. But what about those colleagues who never have anything positive to say and seem determined to tear everyone else down? Dr. Bruce L. Katcher is an industrial/organizational psychologist and is president of The Discovery Group. For each type of complainer, different dealing methods are needed. Many employees dont know that the right way to air grievances about annoying colleagues is to file a formal complaint to Human Resources. She should acknowledge that everyone complains at some point, but also point out that most people do so in moderation and that there is a right and a wrong way to complain. If complainers constantly surround you, it can be challenging. Sometimes, the problem is not the job its the employees life outside of work. A complaining employee may definite thoughts about how an issue can be remedied. Say hello and goodbye, and engage in small talk with them if they're being polite and positive. They may be feelingoverwhelmed,undervalued, or eventhreatened. Or they may be dealing with a demanding boss. Or their complaints may be an exaggeration. Its possible that your manager was unaware of the problem. If you have a coworker constantly complaining, it can be challenging to stay positive and productive. Some people will lie and make up complaints to defame someone. And thats not good news. Or, you may start to complain yourself. It's not fair! Sometimes, the problem is the job itself. But, their problems are not your responsibility. Select the career path that aligns with you: Marketing Sales Data Human Resources Customer Service Software Engineering Product Management Education Design and UX Administration Rather than saving feedback for annual performance reviews, make discussions about what someone did well, and what he or she could do differently, a part of every supervision meeting or project debrief. I refuse to allow someone who dislikes their job to make me dislike mine, too. Displaying Self-Serving Behavior Toxic coworkers are, first and foremost, predominantly selfish individuals. Chronic complainers in the workplace are toxic not only to themselves but also to the people around them. You dont want to let theirnegativityaffect your work or attitude. And their complaints are usually invalid. As soon as a few people in the group are gathered, dive right into something positive and direct your comment or question to someone in the room who generally enjoys his or her job. Create a metaphorical positivity sieve for your mind, and only let good stuff in. They try to make the best of a bad situation. Make it clear that gossip will not be tolerated. Tell yourself,This is his/her problem, and its not about me. Take back your power by limiting the amount of time you spend talking about, thinking about, and worrying about unpleasant people.. Recognizing how destructive this dynamic can be, one of my clients actually incorporated this rule into its official corporate values. Employees know they are held accountable for adherence to this organizational value. With this system, employees can be rated poorly if they constantly tattle on coworkers. Attempts to help chronic complainers often have little or no effect. Moreover, you don't want to get dragged down by their negative attitude. Either way, its tough to stay productive when complainers surround you. Their negative attitude can becontagious. I need to keep the negativity to a minimum, so unless it is something I need to know, please lets not talk about it. Its cut the complaining down quite a bit! Tell employees that management reserves the right to make exceptions they deem warranted for any employee, including the complaining employee. So I told my two main coworkers: I am getting depressed. I had to do this for the first few years teaching at a certain school, where there were so many complainers in the staff lounge that I simply couldnt stand to be there at all. If your coworker has a valid complaint, dont take it personally. For What Kind of Discrimination Does the EEOC Handle Complaints? It helps employees share their thoughts and important criticism on the teams and companys performance and culture. Moral of the story: Youre probably going to encounter a miserable person everywhere you go. 1. 4) Create a feedback-rich environment around you. Whether its in the teachers lounge, staff meetings, or just passing one another in the hallway, even a short conversation with a negative teacher can be totally draining. That is why dealing with those complaining coworkers is essential for team success. It can also serve as a form of social cohesion. Dont wait for a complainer to direct the flow of the discussion. Listen actively. In casual situations, excuse yourself by saying, I gotta get going to make these copies before the kids come back! And use the time crunch teachers are under as an advantage. It didnt help that whenever Lisa tried to reframe Peters situation more positively, he would revert back to his negativity. The person who complains about everything. Also, show that youd appreciate it if theykept their negativity to themselves. If you call someone on it, most people will step back at hearing a colleague say, This sounds like gossip. On this interpretation, Peter might have been trying to recruit Lisa to his point of view concerning what he thought was wrong with some of the people in their organization. Her morale is low and rightfully so her manager is, to be blunt, incompetent, and she's had to put up with multiple negative experiences over the past couple . As you develop professionalism and learn to navigate . You can also offer them your help with one of the methods listed above or others that you know of. Because these types of complaints are usually invalid. No, a complaining coworker is not always wrong. Negativity can be contagious. So, by avoiding them, youre, Moreover, you dont want to get dragged down by their. In a private conversation, communicate that you . ", "Sam is using his personal days for vacation. What you need to know about being in charge. Here are 11 tips to help you head off chronically complaining coworkers at the pass: If the main conversation devolves into something you dont want to listen to, you can just strike up a quiet discussion with the person next to you. At the same time, you dont want to dismiss their complaints outright. 1. Kitchen slob.. Take our course on Extraordinary Productivity: The 5 Choices The Drive Success. You never really know, but Raghunathan believes that her negativity is a thinly disguised cry for help.. So, if youre consistent with it, theyll quickly figure out that its a waste of time to use you as their sounding board and theyll go elsewhere. Or, maybe she feels like shes drowning in work and putting in way too many hours. Examples of setting limits can be expressing a willingness to listen to their complaints but not talk, or listening and talking but not engaging in the complaints yourself. Some employees are brownnosers. For example, if a coworker is complaining about the lack of social bonds in the team due to the working from home situation, reminding them of the Covid-19 pandemic that caused this situation and its broader effects on society can help them understand that we are all in the same boat. Dealing with a coworker who complains all the time is not an easy task. Even moods like loneliness can cluster within social groups, according to research. Most likely, Peter would continue to be absorbed on the downsides of his situation, rather than seek solutions. Of course, creating such a behavior change takes time. Its not your responsibility to fix her problems, but having compassion can go a long way. Take a look at what else we can offer: We have helped over 300,000 people with their problems. 3. Learn practical ways to create meaningful, fun daily routines. Earn badges to share on LinkedIn and your resume. If you are an employee, learn how to make constructive complaints and avoid destructive criticisms. This is very annoying behavior to those who are chronic complainers because its no fun to complain alone. Mary complains about Jim. Last Updated on 1 year by Shahzaib Arshad, What Is The Difference Between A Coworker And A Colleague (Explained), How To Decline An Invitation From A Coworker 10 Tips. Lisa should tell Peter that she is prepared to listen and to talk, but not to engage in a repetitive conversation. Peters constant grumbling, whining, and lamenting was toxic for everyone, himself included. So, if you give them a response, theyre only going to keep complaining. Those similarly frustrated by Doug treat one another with in-group favoritism, a common and central aspect of human behavior, whereby people act more pro-socially towards members of their own group relative to those outside their group. Productive Procrastination: Is It Good or Bad? Like what? Lets be honest, sometimes they can have a good reason for their complaints, and if we just clear the noise of their tone and phrasing, we would find an actual area to grow as coworkers, friends, and a team. He is the author of 30 Reasons Employees Hate Their Managers (AMACOM, 2007). . A coworker who complains is often looking for attention. Now, unfortunately, if you work with someone like this, you cant just pretend he doesnt exist. Once the solution is found, make sure that they also reflect on the process that theyve just gone through so they can use this tool again next time. Be prepared with examples of their behaviors effects on team members, but never reveal other team members feelings without their consent since it can cause an even worse work environment for the team and a lack of trust among team members. I was starting to deal with depression due to all the negativity at work. The person who complains about everything. We all spend too much time complaining at work. They may be complaining to complain. If its to understand how you might be contributing to the dynamic or problem, to brainstorm helpful solutions, or to go on record to make a formal complaint for further investigation, then go for it. When deciding whether to complain about a coworker, it helps to understand that low-level conflicts in the workplace are a normal occurrence. Access more than 40 courses trusted by Fortune 500 companies. Im not permitting those rude comments to take up anymore space in my mind. And, more often than not, theres nothing you can do to change it. The worst thing you can do is validate busybodies by thanking them for being a tattletale and taking immediate action against the transgressor. And, before you know it, youre feeling just as unhappy as they are. HBR Learnings online leadership training helps you hone your skills with courses like Leading People. A complaining coworker can become a time thief, spending too much of your time on their complaints. Empathizing with your coworkerwhile mirroring the macro factors that caused this situation can open them up to empathize with you and figure out solutions on their own. In this article, well show you how to deal with coworkers who complain non-stop the right way. Do Lauras pants have any impact on you, your work, or your team? Or, you may start to complain yourself. And make sure to give people positive feedback when they offer particularly useful feedback even if its hard to hear. But, it can also be for other reasons, such as, Constant complaining can lower your mood. I changed it to Negative Nellie! Well also introduce an option for you to file reports anonymously with. Try to resolve the conflict on your own. Each has different responsibilities is afforded different privileges. They complain about everything from the company to their coworkers to their job. Once this type of petty complaining starts, it's difficult to stop. However, it can also take its toll on the supporting team member. You cant avoid it. What Is a Hybrid Work Schedule And How To Make It Work, How to Snap Out of Procrastination With ADHD. Through the repetition of bad, sad, mad and powerless feelings, the neurotransmitters in the brain can go through a neural rewiring, which reinforces negative thought patterns, making it easier for unhappy thoughts to repeat themselves and leaving little room for the more positive feelings of gratitude, appreciation, and well-being. You can still set boundaries. In this article, I provided you with some practical tips and tools to do so. AMA's Ask The Experts: Alana Hill on Interpersonal Skills and Project Success, Advice from the "Communication Problem Solver", "Dorothy is violating the dress code. Great ideas! More often than not, they respond, of course not! with a look on their faces that indicates that they are insulted to have been asked such a question. Of Job Openings In 2023 Quick Stats. Especially within organizations, which can be hotbeds of political games, people use complaining in order to get peoples support. If employees aren't accurate in their presentation of busyness, this can lead to improper allocation, and even further waste. I understand that youre upset, but I dont want to hear about it., Im sorry, but I dont want to listen to your complaints., Can we please talk about something else?. Productivity Is a Higher Priority, but Which Initiatives Really Work? Other employees are just obsessed with rules and find it upsetting when others don't take them as seriously as they do. They suck the positive energy and creative brainpower out of the room. B. Enter the employer's name. So if a colleague criticizes something about your teaching or tries to make you feel inferior, let it slide off your back. One of my team members has a very bad habit of criticizing me and it seems that he wants to snub me on every little thing. If you start to feel the adverse effects of their complaining, its essential to take action. And, if you cant avoid them, try to stay positive and focus on the good. This neuronal mirroring, however, has a flip side. Asking them questions about their feelings. That is why setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a coworker who complains a lot. All rights reserved. So, if you give them a response, theyre only going to keep complaining. In some cases, their complaints may be valid. I know many teachers who enjoy being there an just seek out the positive people in the room. Make it clear that employees will be treated fairly, but not equally. Im dismissing them, and Im replacing them now with thoughts about something that worked well in my classroom today. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that the world is a dangerous place and people are generally mean., Your team member could be acting the way she is for a myriad of reasons. That way, you'll understand their issues better and work together to find a solution. If your co-workers dont want to share anything, get the ball rolling yourself by talking about something innocuous, like local restaurants you like (Has anyone ever been to __? Can we get all the school-related talk done now and then change the subject? My friends were actually relieved to have some boundaries placed on the conversation, and it became our tradition after that to discuss the rumors and complain for only the first fifteen minutes or so. What's the best job for you? Why Are There Coworkers Who Complain About Everything? Dr. Peggy Drexler, research psychologist and professor of psychology at Cornell Universitys Weill Medical College writes that anthropologists say that throughout human history, gossip has been a way to bond with others even a tool to isolate those who arent supporting the group.. You could provide them with resources or support. So lets keep talking about how we can make this work. Theres nothing you can say to convince the Debbie Downer types that the new system will be effective (especially when you have doubts about it yourself), so dont waste your energy with the back-and-forth. They also come with psychological and emotional costs, as I have mentioned above.[3]. If the complainer comes into your office, a good way to limit the conversation is to stand up, she . 1. document.getElementById( "ak_js" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); If you are a teacher who is interested in contributing to the Truth for Teachers website, please click here for more information. Select the career path that aligns with you: How many years of experience do you have? No one enjoys a toxic workplace. Jim complains about Mary. Next, Lisa should make clear to Peter that he would be much better off if he adjusted his perspective. However, they should also be aware that when they complain about things repetitively, it can get intense, tiring, uncomfortable, and even depressing. If a coworker is always complaining, their complaints might be invalid. For example, theyre having trouble with aproject. If the complaining is affecting others, it can be advisable to directly address the employee's behavior. These early experiences can become deeply ingrained patterns of behavior, and in Peters case, may have become part of his identity.

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